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11:55 pm - June 24, 2011 Who the fuck do I think I am anyway So he's quitting. And I know NOT because he's finally said so, but because Kav and I accidentally overheard him on the phone saying his "last day" is next Tuesday. I don't understand why he hasn't said anything to me in all this week even though he's ALREADY told me he has something he wanted to tell me. There were plenty of chances, even if not in person, at least on online chat, because I made sure to be online at various times each day and I saw that he was quite often online at the same time. But, nothing. All it would have taken is, "Yes, I'm quitting." How hard is that?! I want to say I am annoyed, but I suspect the truth is that I'm hurt. And naturally, I hate the idea that something like this is affecting me. Why should it! Even Kav wonders why he hasn't said a word so far. Next Monday is moderation, and we assume he will tell us after it. So he is planning to tell us just ONE day before his last day?! I think we have been a decent enough team to have been afforded more courtesy than that. This is, at the very least, disappointing. The only thing left is to hear what he has to say about why he didn't tell us any earlier - assuming he even deigns to explain that. Don't get me wrong; I'm not pissed off that he's quitting. I've always understood that the March Week 12 of skirts and heels was mostly a joke. I know that if he wanted to leave, he would, and it would be ridiculous to think that anything could hold him back. What I'm pissed about is the week of non-news. If he had even just told me last Friday evening on online chat, I would have been fine. But no, he said he'd wait till Monday. Then Monday and all subsequent days came and went, and there was nothing. I still can't fathom why; I'm sure it's not that he'd forgotten he meant to tell me. So what the hell was the reason for switching from "I will specially tell her first" to "She can find out together with the rest" - and with no indication of the change in decision? I - Really - Don't - Get - It. Ever since I got home from work today, I have blocked and unblocked him at least half a dozen times on MSN. I can't decide if I don't want to hear from him for a very very long time, or if I want to at least make him aware that I didn't enjoy waiting for news that never came which I had to find out for myself via accidental eavesdropping before blocking him for a very very long time. My final decision (for tonight anyway) was to post on my Facebook status line "Who the fuck do I think I am anyway." and THEN blocking him on MSN with no intention of changing my mind anymore. It is a good reflection of how I feel about this after all. On the one hand, yes, I am not happy. On the other hand, I am fully aware that "I am not his anybody"; why should I expect to have been treated any differently from other colleagues? Just because we've had fun and inappropriate bantering chats, just because he claims I know more about him than many people, who the fuck am I to him really? So what if he changed his mind about telling me? I have the weekend to get over this, and I hope I do. It would not be good if I went to work next week still sore about this, because it would be unlikely I could prevent my negative feelings from showing on my face. But whether or not I get over it by Monday, one thing is for sure: I am NOT wearing heels or even skirts on his last two days. I need to be back in guy mode, my defence against useless self-pity. Besides, it would be good to be reminded that the most dependable guy around is me. 
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